MARRIAGE PROBLEMS AROUND THE HOLIDAYS
You are here because you love your family, you want to have a marriage that feels amazing, secure, and connecting, You want a marriage that Thrives.
Holidays are about family, coming together, feeling safe and secure. They are a time to really deepen bonds, spend time with each other and create precious memories.
But for some of you, that isn’t there for you and you may not be sure if you can make that connection with the people you love.
So what can you do? What can you do if your Holiday experiences may be less than what you want?
If you’re struggling to make that connection and have those experiences with your spouse this Holiday season, here are some questions for you to answer to make this time of year as positive as possible:
1. What is it that you really want from the holidays and your family in this situation?
Often times we go into this wanting something, but not really knowing what it is. Some of the problems that come out is that we have these expectations, and then they’re not met which creates some real disappointment. SO what is it you really want from your family on these special days?
2. What changes can you make personally to help make that more of a possibility?
Think about what you can personally do to change to ensure that it happens. In situations when we’re having lack or we want something and its not happening we can sometimes get into mindsets of looking to others to make it happen for them. I had an experience with a person in this situation where they wanted to feel that connection and warmth around the Holidays and when it didn’t happen, they felt so disappointed and I asked them, “What did you do to make sure they had that connection, that warmth and all the things they wanted?” They told me, “The ball was in my husband’s court. In order for me to feel connected, he needed to do it.”
I gently and lovingly corrected her. “There are things about yourself and things you can do to change.”
My #1 tip if you’re wanting that connection and that warmth and happy family time is to assume as if its already there. “What would you do if that situation were true?” It is surprising how a distant spouse will really warm up if you put on the kindness, the care and attention to them.
What changes can you make personally to get the outcomes you want this Holiday?
3. What do you think your spouse, kids, or other family are looking for in their holiday experience?
I can remember as a child, I came from a big family and I would stay up late on Christmas Eve and get up really early. And I remember one Christmas feeling like no one really paid attention to me on this day that I wanted connection. I remember crying and feeling like Christmas was ruined. THat little bit of attention really made a big difference.
What do the people in your life need?
If want connection and warmth and security, it’s going to take some effort and consideration of what other people are looking for and needing on these special days. If we can meet those expectations and those needs, we can create a very special connection with them.
You may have an idea, but it is a good idea to ask directly. “What would make a great Christmas for you?”
The best Holiday experiences happen when we get outside ourselves and make a positive, happy experience for others.
We’ve created a free checklist to ensure you go a bit deeper here and have a positive, warm and connecting experience this Holiday. Grab the “Holiday Marriage Checklist” here: https://highthrivecoaching.lpages.co/holiday-marriage-checklist/
Have a Happy, Thriving Holiday!
Marc Johnston
Head Marriage Coach
High Thrive Coaching